I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize