official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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