No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
