its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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