I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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