Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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