I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
