I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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