I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize