We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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