Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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