i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry about my life...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
