Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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