I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
