so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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