i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
