Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize