he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
