He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
