he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
