just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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