My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
