I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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