We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize