Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
