He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
