i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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