Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
