I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
