According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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