If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
