I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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