sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
