I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize