U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
