I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
