went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
