Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
