i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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