Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
only if we run a train.
done.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
