Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
