i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
