I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
