she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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