youre lurking in front of me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
