do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
