At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
