she was so not down for the gang bang
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
