ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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