I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
