I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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