HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
