I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
