How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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