So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
