I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
