I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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