the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fill condoms, not promises.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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