also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
