Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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