Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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