OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize