I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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