I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize