im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
