i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
party gras won. party gras always wins.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
