i barfeds in our rink
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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