u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
