$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
