You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
