Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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