If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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