On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
