i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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