Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
