Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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