I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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