went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
