I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
