I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
