It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
