Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
send nudes
from the living room?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
