I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
