well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
