why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize