ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sobbing to NWA
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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