i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
