Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
