DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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