Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
