omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
3 2 1 whiskey
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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