tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
