He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
