but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize