i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
