I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
