why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
