im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
