i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
vagina is talking i cant
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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