literally had 100 drinks last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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