I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
