1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
