Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
