i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
