Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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