how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
