It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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