So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what day is it and did you see me today?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize